cphiecekslee

holy crap. i completely forgot that livejournal existed for about a year... i remembered it and came here and read all the shit we used to write and i was cracking up so hard at how much we all suck and my mom thought i was schizo because she couldnt figure out who i was laughing at.

me and ben broke up...it was almost 10 months...

and my brother is gone. ill never see him again......

my mom is so wierd. she comes up to me and goes " i came up with two new yo momma jokes"

one is

yo momma's so fat that when i slapp ed her thigh, it slapped me back!'

the other is

yo momma's so ugly that when she goes to look in a mirror, instead of it saying whose the fairest one of all, it says "oh fuck, not again!!!"

she is so wierd

arghargharghargharghargharghargh

you know what is sooo frustrating? the little things that move in the corner of your eyes. whatever they are. its annoying! ack its killing my concentration! fuckityfucktiyfuckity fuck!!!!! they wont stop moving grargh

I walk down these streets
These school halls
And they are full of people
All laughing
All smiling
All joyful
Undying…
Undying happiness

There are so many people everywhere I am
But I still feel so abandoned
So alone, so unknown

And I smile back at them all
I laugh with them
I joke with them
So they’ll never see that around them
I feel so small
So helpless
So empty
Though I’m always attempting
To be one of them

Sometimes my mask slips
And underneath is the sad face
That cries occasionally
And occasionally dies
The one that can’t seem to take it all
The one who’s sure that she’s going to fall
Because there is something
That’s killing my heart and my soul
But what it is
I truly don’t know…
But it stabs me and wounds me the most
When I walk among all of these people
Amongst all these smiles
And all of the laughter…
It makes me sink and sink and sink
Until there is nothing left to do
But sit alone
In a crowd of friends who will never know
That under this happy face
There lies a broken soul.

Which is worse?
Telling someone you love them when they might walk away from you...
Or never telling them at all?

Which hurts more?
The rejection of someone you love?
Or keeping it secret forever?
Which one will last longest?

Should we hide our hearts so that they may never be broken?
Or offer them, almost foolishly,
When they will probably be shattered
More than once?

Which one?
Which one?

Should we keep secret something that is not meant to be hidden
Or should we hurt for a little while when that person
When they...reject us?

It is meant to be free
And therefore, we ache when we cage it within us
And it builds and builds and it hurts most of all
In the end,
Because the longer it is kept hidden,
The more painful it gets
It far surpasses the pain of rejection...

So, really, which one is worse?

well guess what melanie. i might just have to join you at DSST. my parents are so pissed because i got a D on my report card, so they are threatening to send me to science and tech. i should just die. or go live under maxs trampoline XD

i made a shitty ass poem. what a surprise. hahahahahahahaha. but i havent written in a while, and it will show big time when/if you read this


Once there was an angel
That was beautiful and bright
She landed inside of me
And filled me up with light

She pulled forth her mighty sword
And banished all my pain
With loving hands she pulled from the sky
The sun to end the rain

She laid her hands gently
Upon the flesh that makes my heart
She used her hair and needle
To sew up what was torn apart

Her kiss upon my brow
Brought all the beauty back to life
But alas, where there is goodness
It must be destroyed by strife

A demon reared to face her
Suddenly claws and metal clashed
But the creature was too strong
And in the end her sword was smashed

Beauty perished that day
In one bloody swipe of teeth
The broken blade lay upon the ground
Never to be re-sheathed

The light disappeared from the sky
The color began to flee
And as the black night returned
The demon’s gaze turned to me

Its leathery wings flapped once, twice,
And it landed in my heart
It shredded where the angels stitches were
And once more tore it apart

It filled my life with darkness
Brought back all of my pain
Screamed the sun into hiding
So I could again live in the rain
Her teeth upon my brow
Was like fire bursting from within
Harsh fangs creating holes
And scorching my bloody skin

I wonder if she was ever really there
If she really lived and died
Well if she did, the angel’s gone
Because there’s only the demon left inside

HAPPY YULE! ITS THE LAST DAY!!!

oh yeah. merry christmas and happy new years

melanie has inspired me to write again with that thing she wrote whihc by the way declares that melanie is the coolest and is currently no ones wife but mine...so back off...lol

this is going to sound like crap
(on a plate)

hold on this is something i wrote to gwen when we were talking baout deviantart

"There is no one in the land, or the earth, or the sea that can so love deviantart as much as I!" said the sun, king of all. "I disagree husband...for I love deviantart much more than thou!" replied his lovely wife, La Luna, the moon. Her soft eyes shone with the light of a thousand stars as she turned them upon her husband. "There is no one in all the world who can love deviantart as much as me!" The suns mouth spat flames as he rose from his throne. "How dare you disagree, wretched mongrel! Guards, take her away!" and the 7 Sisters marched up and took La Luna from her seat in the sky. "You may do what you like, O king! But no one, and I say once more NO ONE can ever love deviantart as much as I have and do and will! Throw me away, lock me up...but remember, I am a sorceress! I know the old ways and codes. Take me away and I will bring doom upon your people!" She screamed, as she was pulled off to be punished. "DOOM!" The King sat once more on his throne, seething. "How dare the wench humiliate me in front of my people! How dare she! She will suffer the consequences..." he muttered. "There is no one existing who loves deviantart more than I do..." Meanwhile, the moon in her prison of darkness, started chanting a spell from the long ago...it was a song of all. It was more than sound and power...it was the song of the earth, the moon, the sun, the stars, the sea and the sky, life and death and all that was and is and all that would be .It was the song of All, and it evoked a sorrow in everyone that could not be answered. It filled The Kings people with the ultimate sadness for humans cannot comprehend what beauty and despair there is out there...and that beauty and sorrow filled all of them up and they all died, one by one. The moon kept chanting, and all of the animals and plants and love and life and everything whole and good and pure died, too. Nothing was left except for the sun and the moon...and only till then did La Luna cease her song. The Sun, The King, left his almighty throne and found his wife, a soft glow in the darkness. He bowed. "I am sorry...I know that you too love deviantart. Perhaps we love it the same amount. Please, I beg of you...return my people...our people. Forgive me." La Luna looked down, an ember of anger left in her eyes, till they met his. The ember died...and she gave in. "I am sorry too. They were also my people, and I have indeed done a terrible wrong by killing all that we created. She sighed, and took his hands. Together, they sung a new song...a song that they had too sung in the long ago when they created Everything. They sung it, and new things begun to sprout from the earth...life and green and animals...they came back with the chant of life...the heartbeat that let them live. The song filled them with everything. Hate and pain and love and sorrow...everything that made people human...and then everything was back to normal. They stopped their song, but their hands remained linked. "Now, we may rule again, and deviantart will be both of ours...together we will rule in peace and harmony and happiness!"

and so it was...


ok now that that lame ass thing is over here is another poem that i just now wrote

Here is a world painted with shades of grey
This place is like a colorless dream
Silence saturates my sharpened ears
And this path i walk is a forgotten one...
A forest lies before my tread
My wandering gaze spies it ahead
The trees are gnarled and the plants are dead
And i seek the sound of something alive
But none comes

The sun above me im sure should be red
A deep crimson painted with my sleeping blood
But all is grey or black, or white
A flash of a confided memory brought to life
I see things on this long lost trail
That were once so important to me
A button eye from my favorite doll
An 8th grade journal, a misplaced key
I try to pick them up and hold them
But they vanish

I walk over these hills and vales
A lonely wanderer walking a lonely path
I cross rivers overflowing with grey
I sit under trees with black dead leaves
And hope that color will return again one day
I starve for something to fill my heart once more
I dont think i appreciated what i had
Now i long for the smallest sound
I long for a color that isn't a shade of nothing
I speak, and my voice is swallowed by the air
This is truly no-mans land

This is forever and that means nothing to me
Time has not yet found this forbidden place
I have misplaced my own shadow
Or has it misplaced me?
Well it doesnt matter, because it's gone now
And it's never coming back
Maybe it went with all the other shadows
To discover a world with color...
...Fine with me...

Maybe it landed on my soul
For an unnamable sorrow has filled my heart
A shadow cast from the light of a grey sky
I wish that this could all be reversed
And then there would be no whites or blacks
Silence would fail and life would return
But I remembered something then
That I had once told myself and I knew it was true
When i thought of it, I screamed into the nothing
That automatically absorbed the sound
Then I sat and cried alone in forever
Knowing that this rule disabled the reversal of anything, everything, and nothing...

"A light may cast a shadow...but may shadow cast a light?"

ok yeah well i guess i got lazy on that one.
ill fix the end later
just a reminder that you can never go back once youve done something. you cant change the past, but you can change the future.

hey look what i made its ugly as shit but ok it all works

i took a little bit from that other poem i wrote

here goes

I am just another loner walking another lonely road
I am just another crier crying all my tears away
I am just another dreamer dreaming dreams that are untold
I am just another wisher, wishing that you were here today

Your pain is a manifestation of the fear within my soul
My anguish is the consequence of what has been done to me
The heart and mind have been split in two, and the body left unwhole
An my ears can never hear again, nor can mine eyes ever see

My feet tread a path of nothing, echoes from a ground that isn't there
Screaming for a spark of life in the darkness, calling for people who just don't care
This joy is the penalty i am forfeiting
And I must slowly savor my pain
This is a poison that I am concealing,
A toxin disintegrating my brain

No words a human ever spoke will describe the sorrows i am hiding
There is no way to tell anyone these screams i am confiding
The blood will flow, the skin will break, the eyes will always be crying
A broken heart and a shattered soul
Always lead to someone dying

my eyes are stitched shut with a million years of sorrow
Bu these are still eyes that can occasionally cry
Delving inside the worlds of tomorrow
I let loose this life with a sigh


yeah its crap i know....oh well lol i have really super bad writers block


heres a poem i didnt write but i wish i had because it rocks in about 43 ways...

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted


yeah that is the shit....i wish i could write that good

maybe if im lucky ill get past this dumb writers block lol